My Next Life by George Carlin

I want to live my next life backwards: You start out dead and get that out
of the way.

Then you wake up in a nursing home feeling better every day. Then you get
kicked out for being too healthy. Enjoy your retirement and collect your

Then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day. You work
40 years until you’re too young to work.

You get ready for High School: drink alcohol, party, and you’re generally

Then you go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, and you have no
responsibilities. Then you become a baby, and then… You spend your last 9
months floating peacefully in Spa-like conditions – Central heating, room
service on tap, and then…

You finish off as an orgasm.